In order to put the past behind us tho, I need to address what happened. So that’s the motivation behind this post.

Most of you don’t know the whole story of Sarah and I. And that’s either because I haven’t said anything about it or because I’ve only relayed half-truths or outright lies. If you knew the truth, I’m sure you may not have a high opinion of me. In fact, writing it out makes me feel pretty awful about the things that I’ve done.

So in order to set everyone straight, I’ll just say that if you’ve heard me say something disparaging about Sarah, forget it. Over the past four years, she’s always been a constant presence in my life. And she’s been willing to accept me back no matter how hard I’ve pushed her away.

I’d like to say that I didn’t push very hard, but that wouldn’t be true at all. I couldn’t commit to us for three out of those four years — and because of that, this last year has been hard. But we’ve made long strides. Hopefully, we’ll continue to make them.

I guess what I’m saying is, I’m sorry for the things I’ve done. And my only regret is not realizing all of the hurtful things I was doing sooner.

The next four years will be nothing like the last four tho. We’re going to build a life. A family. A home. Getting to do that with my best friend — and the most beautiful girl in the whole world — is all I could have ever asked for.

As it stands, I’m driving up Friday night and crashing out at Frazier’s secret headquarters somewhere in the East Bay. Since I don’t like being part of the problem — or paying for parking — I’ll be taking as much public transit as I possibly can. So it’s handy that I managed to stumble upon these handy iPhone related Muni apps that use NextBus information. Now all I need is a native looking (i.e. pretty) trip planner and I’m all set. So… Does anybody know of one off the top of their heads — or am I stuck using 511.org over EDGE?

• Tomorrow night is April’s BarCamp LA Geek Dinner at Shakey’s in Hollywood. While I’m not so much of a fan of Shakey’s grub, I’m really looking forward to hanging out with the BarCampers again.
• Friday brings the Helvetica screening at USC. I managed to pick up a ticket when they were announced — and it would seem that I have to pay $25 at the door as I didn’t have to pay anything when I RSVP’ed. Part of me is debating going to the Laguna Beach screening instead tho. Tickets are still available for the 9PM show and they’re only $15 via PayPal. Decisions, decisions…
• Sunday morning, I hop a flight to Oakland for a well deserved micro-vacation in San Francisco. It’s really more of a weekend trip than a vacation, but I’m going to be doing my fair share of relaxing. My Monday afternoon is spoken for — I’m supposed to be getting lunch with Andy (and hopefully Leonard) on the Yahoo! campus — but if you’re up for hanging out, drop me a direct message on Twitter (or an IM for that matter). I’ll try to squeeze in some face time with as many folks as I can before I see LCD Soundsystem with Frazier on Monday night and fly home for work early Tuesday morning.

See? That’s a busy week for the likes of me — but I’m looking forward to it…

That’s not how it works. In fact, the box rarely manages to contain it all. And no matter how ornate and jewel encrusted that box is, it will never compete with or match the complexity and level of detail of the chaos trapped inside. Nor will it have an acceptable answer when pressed with anything more than innocent, childlike questions. Suspension of disbelief won’t work here. It requires too much faith.

The fact of the matter is, circumstances occur and people change. Stories can’t be written before they’re done being told. Actually, they can be. But if you don’t give yourself enough distance between you and the source material, it’ll end up coming out all wrong. All the changes that end up happening to the characters along the way are for the better. They end up accelerating the plot. Driving it forward. If you want to ask me to trust in the box you’ve tried to go and put my world into, I should be able to ask you to let yours out for a barefoot jog on my wave worn shores.

I’m not that type of person tho. I can’t make someone try something that I know contrasts so harshly with their world view. In fact, I don’t even like thinking it’s expected of me. I want someone who needs me to be true to myself more than anything. Someone who doesn’t have to try to be somebody else in order to make me happy. If we do that, all we’ve done is wear masks because we’re afraid of being alone. So I walk away.

And that brings me here. Exactly where I need to be.

It’s time to mark the start of another year on Sarah‘s calendar. She’s now officially the age where she can get a break on her insurance and rent a car without any penalties. And while that’s kind of boring compared to the American porn/tobacco/voting age (18) and the booze/nightclub age (21), I still think its a respectable place to be.

Happy quarter century, my lovely little doe. I love you so very much that my heart feels as if it might explode every time we touch or I’m near you. May your next quarter century be as interesting and full of potential as one you just completed.

Sarah tried to make friends with a goat over the weekend. The goat had other ideas tho…

Speaking of art exhibits, Sarah and I took a day trip from Bakersfield last weekend to go attend Coop‘s Brand Recognition opening at sixspace.

It was something that I promised Sarah that we could go do and I’m glad that I got the chance to take her to do it. As a reformed rockabilly, she was so excited to get to meet Coop in the flesh. She seemed to beam for most of the day — from the trip out, thru the exhibit itself and during our victory dinner of Monte Cristo sandwiches at Jerry’s.

I’m really happy when I get the opportunity to show Sarah why I love LA so darn much — and I’m even more happy to see her loving it too.

I finally managed to see Brick with Sarah this weekend — and I’d go so far as to say that it’s probably my favorite movie of the past year. Then again, I’ve always had a soft spot for film noir inspired work.

Perhaps one of my favorite bits of the movie were the snappy, rapid fire verbal acrobatics. How rapid fire was it? Let’s just say that at times, the delivery would have made the Gilmore Girls head spin.

Brad Bramish: Oh yeah?
Brendan Frye: Yeah.
Brad Bramish: Oh yeah?
Brendan Frye: Yeah.
Brad Bramish: Yeah?
Brendan Frye: There’s a thesaurus in the library. Yeah is under “Y”. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Renting this totally made up for seeing “Snakes On A Plane” on Friday…

Tomorrow is WordCamp, where Frazier and I will will be representing Hipster Mafia². What that means is him and I are going to go to assorted talks and I’m going to give out business cards and act like a wanker³.

If you see me in the hall and want to say hello or throw rotten fruit, walk over and do so.

I’ll try to update a few times tomorrow as I sit in the sessions — but you know how it goes with me and promising to make updates, right? ;)

1. OC to SF by way of Culver City is not something I’d call fun. But that 30 mile, one and a half hour detour netted me $130 and helped me get rid of my Sidekick II.
2. That basically means Preshrunk — but we might have another property someday soon.
3. Hopefully Arrington or Calacanis don’t magically appear and out-wanker me. That’d make me sad.