Dear Natalie Portman,

I consulted VW’s RoutanBabymaker3000, and it seems to think that we’d have great looking kids.  Don’t believe me?  Take a look for yourself:

Portman/Cosper

Now I know you’ve got a thing for quirky bearded dudes. Well, you might. For all I know, that was just a phase. Hopefully it wasn’t tho — because I’m way into college educated actresses with published research papers who aren’t afraid to shave their heads for a role.

Anyhow, now that you know what our offspring would look like, you should drop me an email.  We don’t have to make babies right away, but maybe we can go record shopping or talk about Israel.  You know, just getting to know one another.  That would be nice, wouldn’t it?

Okay, it’d probably be nicer for me than it would be for you.  But I swear that I’m a nice guy and not really that weird.  I mean, I might be weird enough to run your photo thru a website, but I’ll never send you a sweater made of my hair or anything.  That’s just bizarre…