Dear Natalie Portman,

I consulted VW’s RoutanBabymaker3000, and it seems to think that we’d have great looking kids.  Don’t believe me?  Take a look for yourself:


Now I know you’ve got a thing for quirky bearded dudes. Well, you might. For all I know, that was just a phase. Hopefully it wasn’t tho — because I’m way into college educated actresses with published research papers who aren’t afraid to shave their heads for a role.

Anyhow, now that you know what our offspring would look like, you should drop me an email.  We don’t have to make babies right away, but maybe we can go record shopping or talk about Israel.  You know, just getting to know one another.  That would be nice, wouldn’t it?

Okay, it’d probably be nicer for me than it would be for you.  But I swear that I’m a nice guy and not really that weird.  I mean, I might be weird enough to run your photo thru a website, but I’ll never send you a sweater made of my hair or anything.  That’s just bizarre…




4 responses to “Dear Natalie Portman,”

  1. cj little Avatar

    First of all, it would be just as nice for her as for you Jason – especially if you take her to Scoops.

    Second, what are you going to make the sweater you send her out of?

  2. Jason Cosper Avatar

    Ah yes! Scoops! You’re right, CJ — I might have a shot after all.

    As for the sweater, I’m actually thinking that I ought to play hard to get and hold off on sending her one right now. You know, to be mysterious…

  3. Jay B. Avatar

    CJ, that’s an easy one. It’ll be made from the entrails of the zombies that Jason has personally dispatched.

  4. Jason Cosper Avatar

    Zombie’s entrails? I’d do that, but Natalie’s a vegetarian. So I’m not 100% sure she’d be into that.

    It is tempting tho.